13ft Trampoline - 5 Stars

By Lara from West Lothian (source)

"very easily put up much sturdier and bouncier than previous trampolines i have purchased"


Review of Review:  - "Lara, you look happy."
- "Well I am happy. I'm beaming. I'm on the verge of singing a jolly song."
- "And why are you so happy?"
- "Because I have achieved my lifelong ambition."
- "You've found the perfect trampoline."
- "Oh, yes. This is the sturdiest, bounciest trampoline of all the sturdy bouncy trampolines I have purchased in my life."
- "And there have been many, haven't there, my Lara?"
- "Oh, yes. A shitload."
- "Darling Lara, I hate to bring this up. But have you explored the possibility that there might still be a sturdier, bouncier trampoline out there? Lara? Lara? Oh, my Lara, why do you weep so?"

SanDisk 8GB SDHC Secure Digital Card

By Neil A. Davies (source)

"I have yet to use this SanDisk 8GB Digi card yet to provide any factual data, but having used this make in the past I do not expect any issues."

Review of Review: A rarity in the reviewing world. Some would decry Neil A. Davies for rushing to judgement, but that would be to understate the nature of this review. What this review opens up is a world of possibilities, the eternal Maybe, as his namesake, the television writer Russell T Davies would put it.

Consider the example of Schroedinger's Cat. As Neil A. Davies was writing the review, his SanDisk 8GB SDHC Secure Digital Card was simultaneously not throwing up any issues AND prone to throwing up some issues, just as the cat inside Schroedinger's box is simultaneously alive and dead.

At this point, I think a small digression is in order. I have often wondered how Schroedinger alighted upon a cat as the subject of his experiment. My experience with cats is such that I am unconvinced that one could put one in a box without being mutilated in some way. Perhaps he tried other animals. I suppose smaller animals would be able to move around inside the box, offering a clue to the creature's survival. And a larger animal would require a larger box - a logistical nightmare. It would be easier to take a horse into a pub. I suppose a cat, in the end, was the only option. Especially as Pavlov had cornered the dog market.

In any case, I hope that Neil A. Davies was not disappointed. I'm just sorry he didn't see fit to pop back with his findings to give us a post-pre-review-review. Or a review, for short.

Airsprung Nice Deep Quilted Double Mattress - 3 Stars

By Tony T from Derbyshire (source)

"I bought this mattress mainly as it was at sale price; however I was previously familiar with the brand name. When it arrived I noticed that it felt very much softer than the last "firm" mattress I had but boy was I pleasantly surprised! When actually lying on it, the mattress is considerably stable; there is definitely no "rolling together" or off the side. When you lie down to sleep, you'll be waking up instantly - the next morning! You won't know the night has passed. Nonetheless it should be stressed that it is a soft mattress and if you've ever stood up on the bed, you'll know the difference - your feet tend to sink into the mattress on this one. Still for the price, I recomend this to be an excellent buy."

Review of Review: Poor Tony T. It must have been dreadful for him before he got his great new Airsprung Nice Deep Quilted Double Mattress. Every night, “rolling together” (that's probably a euphemism for doing sex) or falling off the side. I bet he was either knackered or black and blue every morning.

If only, he would have thought, I could have a perfectly flat mattress, rather than this weird undulating U-shaped/ N-shaped mattress I currently have. If only I could have a magic mattress which would make the whole sordid sleeping business just go away in an instant, my world would be all in order and I wouldn't need to spend my days hiding behind a copy of the Daily Express and weeping.

If only, he would have thought, I could have a mattress which felt at the same time soft AND firm, just like Sadie Frost's flesh appears to the Guardian journalist Deborah Orr. That would be bloody ace.

If only, he would have thought, I could have a mattress which my feet wouldn't sink into when I was standing on it for reasons which, quite frankly, are none of anybody else's business.

Two out of three ain't bad, Tony T. I quite understand why you could only give this mattress three stars under the circumstances. Perhaps you could buy a stepladder with the money you've saved and then you wouldn't have to stand on the bed.